As I sit here today with a few unexpected minutes to write this blog post, I’m drawn to share with you my thoughts about how forgiveness is a vital part of the aging process.

It seems with each decade I’m reminded more and more about our immortality and mortality as humans. There isn’t a day in which I, or someone I know, isn’t faced with the loss of a loved one or who knows someone else who is. From the time I was little, I lost loved ones to death. A great-grandmother from a long life hopefully well-lived. A cousin and best friend in the third grade from being hit by a drunken driver while crossing the road after getting off the school bus. An uncle to throat cancer. A grandfather and a favorite grandmother to old age. Another grandfather to brain cancer and grandmother to Alzheimer’s and dementia. And, as a teen not yet out of high school, my own daddy to black melanoma cancer. I have lost others since, not just to death, but also to loss of adequate communication, misunderstandings, moving, and other life changes.

The important thing I want to point out in all this sadness is that we aren’t meant to keep our loved ones on earth forever. We are meant to pass through each other’s lives, whether of benefit or detriment, affecting growth and change in us. When we can realize aging, passing on from this life, and losing friends or family to circumstances beyond our control are all a part of life, it becomes easier to forgive ourselves and others for shortcomings, failings, and just plain confusion on ours or their part.

Society asks us to stay young forever. Fashions and trends fulfill that request. And we can find ourselves on the hamster wheel of life chasing after that which will not ever reveal itself: immortality on earth. When we seek our youth in jars and bottles and compacts and even pills and liquids, we run the risk of being forever unhappy. But when we seek to focus on the cerebral and spiritual, from learning new things to being a better person to striving to impact other’s lives more positively, we come to know that forgiveness is also a part of the human connection.

By learning to forgive ourselves and others, we can walk free of stress, emotional burdens, family conflict, grief from the loss of a good friend. Nothing on this earth is meant to be perfect except nature. The rising of the sun. Rain. Butterflies. Oxygen. The moon. But even the sun and moon must set. In giving up our head thoughts for a good night’s rest, we should also give up our heart hurts. Forgiving as we sleep brings healing and is as important as taking our first waking breath or drinking our first glass of water each morning.

Forgiveness is not meant to be reserved only for those persons or things we deem worthy. To forgive others or self doesn’t mean we can’t hold the guilty accountable. Forgiveness simply means we are willing to not let the infraction or injustice take up negative space within our person or spirit. By doing so, we will choose to age gracefully. We will give others the benefit of the doubt or a second chance. We will smile rather than frown. We will free our hearts instead of holding on to a grudge.

As we age, forgiveness should be easier to come by. Sure, we can get upset with ourselves for falling short of certain expectations. And we can get agitated at large or small injustices. But there should always be a way to handle a situation which brings peace and resolution. Instead of always seeing our temperature rise, we should start seeing solutions. Whether it’s to simply pray about a situation, speak (calmly) to the offender, or take a different action, our “wise beyond our years” should be assessing the situation for a practical way to alleviate negative feelings.

Although, even when we have practiced and practiced the art of forgiveness, there will be days when we question ourselves. Have I done enough to “fix” a problem or relationship? Have I let go of all the past (or present) hurts so as to live and share my best self? Will I ever stop being hurt by others inconsiderate behavior? The answer to all of these is probably no. The point is to keep trying.

When we realize that every year (and day) we live is a new opportunity to try again, we can forgive easier. We can see where speaking up is the right thing to do. And we will also come to know when being silent is the right path to take. Sometimes, there are no easy, right or wrong, answers. The important thing to remember is that, as we age, we gain momentum. It’s like climbing the ladder of success. We get better at it. But like anything else, to forgive better as we age, we must first start forgiving when we are young or as soon as we realize forgiveness leads to peace and healing.

No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It is far better to say to someone, I’m sorry for what I did to you, or I’m sorry that happened to you (depending on the situation), than to point the finger and say, it’s your own fault. Of course, it’s someone’s fault. The truth always comes out in the end. Forgiveness and compassion are far truer strengths of character than finding fault or looking for someone to blame. We’re all human. Things happen. Before looking to lay blame, it is far better to learn what happened. Asking questions isn’t always easy. It takes vulnerability. But by living in love, kindness, and compassion, we can learn to forgive easier in the big and the little things.

As I close off my thoughts on forgiving more as we age, I can say that it is a daily effort. And it should be. We don’t magically just start forgiving everything. We still have feelings that make us the unique human beings that we are. But we can choose every day how we will respond to others. We can react with hurt (and we will, at first) and choose to hold that hurt within us while the other person goes about their daily business and life unaware or thinking we are okay with what happened. Or we can think about it and choose a positive plan of action.

Now, that I’m past the age of sixty and heading one year further toward an unknown future, I can say that, for me, forgiveness is as important as brushing my teeth, getting my steps in, taking my allergy meds, wearing matching socks, drinking enough water, and the list goes on. We cannot live out our life as a good citizen, family member, or Christian, without important virtues such as love, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. We must seek to be kind, to be loving, to be forgiving with every breath we take. Forgiveness must grow in us to be a part of who we are – now and in the future.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post. It’s been an effort this summer to get all that I need done in my writing and book marketing world, but I keep at it. I enjoy staying in touch with you and sharing my thoughts about ‘Forgiveness’, my Word of the Year. I hope some of what I’ve shared resonates with you and will be useful to you as you take another trip around the sun. It’s been a hot summer, but thankfully summer is only once a year. Enjoy. Visit the beach soon. Eat watermelon. And, perhaps, turn on the water sprinkler.

So until next time, keep lovin’, keep laughin’, and keep learning to forgive more often…xoxoxo

Love & hugs, Virg

Thank you for reading this post. If you’d like to read more of what I write about, you can find my book, HONOR ONE ANOTHER: The ABCs of Embracing Our Spirit Within, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Bookshop.org. Just search my full name, Virginia Alice Crawford.