When a person chooses not to forgive but to hold onto slights against another, they choose isolation, sadness, heartbreak, and even more. Whether feeling slighted and choosing to hold onto the hurt is of merit or not, withholding forgiveness simply seals us into being miserable forever. We may deny the effect of not forgiving others, but seeking the truth in whether to forgive or not to forgive will tell us that forgiving is far better for our relationships and for our personal health.

When we realize that forgiveness has to do with how we choose to live our life, we can express our feelings and then release them. This leaves us free from the weight that holding a slight – and keeping it close – can have on us. Rather, than keeping us trapped, we can be free from that hardness which is preventing us from enjoying life. Whether the other person ever asks for forgiveness, acknowledges their deed, or acts with remorse, we can move on with our life because we chose to forgive – for our sake, the sake of our loved ones, and the sake of our future.

What, if anything, are you holding onto and not forgiving which is keeping you from living your best life? On the second of this month, my daddy passed away from cancer. I kicked myself for years for not being closer to him. Being a kid at the time, there was so much I didn’t understand about being a grownup. It wasn’t until I was much older, and I didn’t have my daddy around, that I realized I should have given him a break and appreciated him better at the time. It took a while, but I finally learned to forgive myself. Realizing that my daddy had already forgiven me because he loved me, and he understood me at the time as he was once a kid himself, too.

Is there something you, or someone else has done, which you regret and wish never happened? The hardest part of anything is knowing you cannot go backwards and reverse anything. The only way to move is forward. And the two best ways to move forward is, one, to own up to the deed and, two, to seek forgiveness for it. Once, in the second grade, I took something from a classmate. At the time, I refused to admit it. I chose instead to deny it. And I suffered for it for years. As a second grader, I felt justified to do something against a class bully who persecuted not only me but other classmates as well. As an adult, I realized that maybe that wasn’t the best way to handle the situation. I struggled with the fact that I couldn’t undo the deed I did. The only thing that helped me is that I learned a valuable lesson. I learned it is far better to own up to and explain why I chose to do what I did. It’s not an easy choice to do this, but it’s far better than beating oneself up for making the wrong choice at the time. After all these years, I can only use the experience to advocate for making better choices and learning to forgive oneself.

Forgiveness, then, is a lifestyle. It is a personal choice to forgive self and others rather than hold onto anything which keeps us from our best self. We can choose to forgive rather than hang onto the past, a poor choice, a slight, or other grievance or misunderstanding. We can thereby live free of stress and anxiety and all the other negative feelings and affectations of not being forgiving.

Wouldn’t you rather be loving and forgiving than stressed and unwilling to move forward? Sure, we can choose to hold onto an injury or hurt by telling ourselves if we forget it then the person will continue to hurt us again and again. This is not about forgetting the deed and letting the person re-injure us. This is about forgiveness in order to live our lives in a place of love. By forgiving, we can be free to see things more clearly. We can make better choices for ourselves. We can choose better friends and walk away from those who choose to harm others. We can strive to develop better working relationships. And we can share and spread more love in the world.

Let’s turn our face toward the One who shows us grace, just as the sunflower follows its maker. Decide today to live forgiveness as a lifestyle. You won’t regret it. I haven’t to date, and I expect life to only get better from here on out. I wish you the same. Forgive and be free to love and forgive more – today, tomorrow, and always.

Love & hugs, Virg